Chapters
I view my life as unfolding in chapters. You can't know ahead of time when a chapter will start and end, but you know in retrospect. I have a few critical chapters that changed the trajectory of my life: parents' divorce; dad gets remarried; mom gets remarried; move schools twice; quit school to pursue music; lose 80 pounds, quit music, go back to school; and so on.
All chapters are marked by the end of something, and the beginning of something else. Each chapter provides meaning about where I've been, what I've done, and who I am. As a kid, I was a character in chapters written by others. As an adult, I write the chapters.
Chapters are a way for me to bring meaning to my create meaning. To tell my story, and understand what it all means. The meaning may be there intrinsically, or it may be constructed. Either way, it is because I say it is.
If you don't like a chapter, keep in mind that it will end, and new one will start. That's how chapters work. Your story isn't fixed, and therefore you aren't fixed. You're still the central character, but you evolve through the plot line.
Chapters unite the end and beginning of an era for us, and can overlap. For instance, your mother and I have many chapters in our story: Santa Barbara summer of love, move to the Bay Area, get married and adopt Mojo, move to Portland, buy a house, The Pandemic (many people have a version of this chapter!), trying to have kids, having kids. And those chapters overlap with chapters from other spheres of our lives.
Chapters serve as milestones to evaluate your life. In my 20s, I lived in a bad chapter. My life was moving in the wrong direction — the low point of my story. Compared to previous chapters, my life had gotten worse. I needed to write a new chapter.
Chapters are opportunity. A chance to be different, and better, and become the person you want to be. But you need to have the self awareness to know when it's time to write a new chapter. To end something, and start something new.
When you look back and stack the chapters up, you define the meaning of who you are and why. And if you feel like a supporting character rather than the central character, it's time to exert more control.
Now go write yourself a wonderful story.