On having enough and the cycle of discontent
As a kid I always wanted more. Seeing you both as children, I have to assume this is a natural state. We want what others have, so in a sense we never have enough. I wanted Michael Jordan sneakers but my parents couldn't afford them. I wanted a Gameboy, and a Nintendo, and a TV. My parents couldn't afford those either. Lucky for me my grandparents bought it all over several years.
The Jordans got dirty. I played the video games until the novelty was gone. Then I wanted something else. A new pair of Jordans, a new game, cool clothes. The more we try to fill it with stuff, the larger the hole inside grows.
Then I got older. Houses, cars, vacations. They cost a lot more, but the desire is unchanged: I want more, and it's never enough.
There are three parts to the cycle:
- I want what others have.
- I get it and am happy for a short time.
- I notice others have things I don't, and go back to #1.
Others will always have more or different things than you, and you'll always want more. The cycle never ends, and you'll go broke and become depressed the longer you go through it. The game cannot be won.
Even if you're the richest person on Earth, others will have what you don't. For a while that was Jeff Bezos. His wife left him. She'd had enough. Before Bezos it was Bill Gates. His wife left him too. The money wasn't the answer. Besides, someone else will become the richest person someday soon.
At some point it has to be enough, otherwise you'll live your life unsatisfied, wanting for what you don't have.
This applies to money, things, and achievement. Career goals, job titles, accolades, hobbies. No matter how good you are, there is someone better, if not now then at some future date.
What's the answer to this riddle?
First, focus on what you have rather than what you don't. This changes the focal point to you rather than them. And it requires you to acknowledge what you have, and have accomplished, rather than what others have. It might help to think of yourself as a different person — you can compare Today You to Yesterday You and see the progress.
Second, accept that getting more will never fill the hole inside. We have a universe-sized hole of meaning and try to fill it with stuff. It won't work. The only way to fill the hole is with meaning. Yes, I want a nice house, but it'll never be the nicest house. But having a home to create memories with my family provides meaning, and it's enough.
What I wish for you is peace and equanimity. You can't get it by having a lot, but you will get it if you have enough.